PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE DOWN, ASSHOLE!

Seriously, I hope you die in a fiery car crash.

Reasons why you should die horribly, you stupid fuck:

1. Driving 12 miles an hour.  Twelve.  What the fucking fuck?
2. Why are you three car lengths behind the car in front of you at the stop light?
3. Oh, I see, it's because you're FUCKING TEXTING WHILE DRIVING YOUR CAR!
4. When I notice the yellow line on the right side of your left rear tire, I assume you're probably not trying to kill everyone in the world, so I give a little beep.  For realsies, I did a tiny single beep.
5. Five seconds pass.
6. YOU FUCKING STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD?  Does it seriously take five seconds for you to process that a horn has been sounded somewhere?
7. Yes, you very nearly scraped the fuck out of the side of that oncoming car.  Nice job, asshole.
8. I hate this light, because it's so damn long.
9. And now you turn right.  We were stopped at that light for more than a minute, with no traffic anywhere, and you decide (without signalling) that you really want to turn right.  YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT WHEN WE FIRST GOT HERE!
10. Did you see me doing the game of charades in your rear view mirror? No, of course not, you were too busy dicking around on your phone.  Here's what I was miming:
1. Two hands together, with thumbs frantically wiggling: you doing shit on your damn phone.
2. My right hand doing an over-dramatic arc pointing down at the passenger seat: put your fucking phone down, asshole.
3. Hands back up again, this time holding an imaginary steering wheel that I'm turning back and forth: just fucking drive your stupid car.
4. Me, holding up just one finger: do one damn thing at a time, jackass.