Monday: I think it's about time to blow this scene

Get everybody and the stuff together:

Ok: 3-2-1 Let's jam!

Wait, no. This link.  Anyway: In the poorly white balanced photo above, you see all the ingredients used today:

• Mokapot bottom full of coffee grounds, ready to go.
• Four cloves of garlic
• A smallish white onion (trust me, it really is white).
• Brown sugar (of which, I used 2.5 tablespoons)
• Maple syrup (2oz)
• Balsamic vinegar (2oz)
• Apple cider vinegar (2oz)
• Like a half pound of regular applewood smoked bacon
• Like a half pound of black forest bacon

Should we do steps here as well?  That link doesn't do steps with pictures, so why not.

Step 1: Get coffee brewing (bottom left), and throw the bacon into the only two identical pans you own, the two giant stock pots.  Convince yourself that they're just ten inch skillets with really tall sides, and move on.

Step 2: Realize that your phone is in night-time mode due to the supermoon, and switch it back to auto so the white balance is fixed for the remainder of the shoot.

Step 3: Chop and divide the onion and garlic so they're ready to go.

Step 4: Note the regular bacon is cooking too fast, and turn down the wrong burner until it starts to burn.  Curse loudly at anything you can think of.

 Step 5: Pull the bacon out and let it drain on some paper towels.

 Step 6: Add onion/garlic combo to the pans, and use them to partially deglaze.  Cook until translucent and basically fully cooked.

"Are those cordial glasses?" Yes, they are. "Who even owns cordial glasses?" People who aren't philistines.

 Step 7: Measure out the liquid.  The left glass is for the regular bacon, and contains the balsamic, brown sugar, and coffee (about ~2oz).  The right is for the black forest bacon, and has the maple syrup, apple cider vinegar, and equal amount of coffee.

 Step 8: Deglaze with the liquid, add back in chopped bacon, and simmer until the liquid evaporates and combines with the solids.  Blitz in the food processor until finely chopped.

Because the accelerometer in my phone occasionally gets confused.

Step 9: Serve.  I made a plate of apples and spinach, and then sliced some very rich and delicious gruyere.  I put the jams into two dishes, and toasted a mini baguette.  This was too much food, but was incredibly delicious.  The burnt taste in the regular bacon jam is toned down, leaving just a very strong smokey flavor.  The sweet black forest jam is a touch on the over-sweet side, but pairs well with the apple and cheese.  I'm looking forward to seeing how they taste tomorrow after resting in the fridge overnight.

• Read this ad and tell me who has the Royal typewriter. Is it Sue or is it Lou?
• Dear Chris Hardwick, I have this in mp3 format.
• Bunny! This also reminds me of the day that I discovered that you could erase pencil with a croc.
• Kitty and puppy!
• I had the same impression based on what the sign looked like when I drove past.  However, that food does look really tasty.