Thursday: Thanksgiving

I only ended up eating like half of this.

Crap, I still have dessert to eat.

Anyway, thanksgiving food.  Rating things from best to worst

1. Mashed potatoes.  Steaming is always better, as it's faster and doesn't soak them so much.
2. Taro rolls.  I toasted them in the oven a bit too much, and discovered that slightly burned taro rolls taste delicious.
3. Turkey.  It's not very brown, but the strategy I used of just dumping the turkey parts in the cast iron casserole, slapping the lid on it, and roasting it that way seemed to work rather well.  I salted, peppered, and en-sage-enated the turkey as well, to get a bit more flavor in it.  Some of the edge bits are a bit dry, so that's a vote for brining.  Still, impossibly easy to deal with, and lazy is always good.
4. Gravy.  A bit salty, and given the option, don't buy whole wheat flour when you're expecting white.  How was this the only small package of flour?  The other options were five pound and eight pound bags.
5. GBC.  It's GBC.
6. Stuffing.  This ended up bad.  The flavor is just not good.  I think that I need to just toss all my spices and buy new ones.

Links.

• Bunnies.  Watch the bunny paws.
• I discovered this last night.  That is exactly the model that I have, that I used for the turkey.  I guess I should contact them, and see what the plan is.  If they're going to replace mine with a new one of equivalent size, then that's fine.  Otherwise, I may just keep and use this one.  I've had it for like six years now, and have never had any problems like that.
• I'm 99% certain Mr. Mime just stole that plate of spaghetti from Wooper.
• Squirrels.
• Thanksgiving.
• I noticed the same thing while watching the parade.  Way to hide the fact that you're bringing back Sharkleberry Fin, Kool-aid.  It's not Purplesaurus Rex, but still.

Oh, yeah.  I watched the parade.  Here's a cut so you don't have to load like 20MB of images if you don't really want to.  But really, what else are you doing right now?  Go on.  Click it.

Of course I didn't watch the parade for real.  It comes on live here.  At 4AM.  DVR to the rescue!

NBC.

Did you know that Al Roker has a beard now?

YOU GAVE SCISSORS TO A ROBOT?  THIS IS HOW THEY TAKE OVER, YOU LUNATICS!

Parade.

 Here's the important thing to keep in mind.  This parade is designed to do three things.

1. Tell you all about Broadway shows you (and 99% of the rest of the country) don't give a fucking damn about.
2. Show you country music.  No, you don't like it, and it has nothing to do with anything, but I guess country music people don't mind working on a holiday.
3. Convince you to buy shit by slapping corporate logos on the side of floats.  I'm...I'm not sure how this is supposed to work.

Oh, and there are the actual giant fucking balloons that are really the only reason anyone watches the rest of this shit.

Broadway show.

Some other Broadway show.

Broadway show about a bike or some shit.

Broad...way...show?  I guess the Rockettes actually play off Broadway.

YOU LET THE ROBOT LIVE?!  WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

A giant fucking turkey.  Wait, is that?

Who let Sandra Lee in the parade?

Snoopy.  Note the brilliant centering used by the balloon camera.

This is a terrible angle.

Another fucking Broadway show.  This one is apparently about nothing by legions of Hatters from Alice in Wonderland.  Fuck you, Disney.

Sonic the Hedgehog.  It's at least centered better.

Aflac duck.  Because when kids think fun, they think supplemental insurance policies.

Wait, who's that?

Hello Kitty.

Soulless Hello Kitty will bomb your city to the ground.  From stage left.  Always from stage left.

Jimmy Fallon got to ride with Cookie Monster and Big Bird.  Plus, that fucker Elmo is far enough away that he doesn't have to deal with him.  Jimmy Fallon has the best position in the parade.

Who?

Oh, I see, some band that sold out to help sell goldfish crackers.

Then there's this person...band...whatever, shilling for Hess.  Hess Corporation: We make tiny toy trucks so you forget we're a giant oil company.

Holy fuck!

I guess this is the wimpy kid who has a diary and a billion books in print.  

A big guitar.  I don't know who's riding on it, or what it's supposed to be about.  Great work, parade people.

Huh.  Richard Simmons.  Not dead.

Some jetpack wearing flying monkey balloon.   I guess this didn't make enough of an impression on me to remember what it is, but I'll give it extra points for being awesome.  If you don't understand why, go re-read the first sentence.

Christ, Tituss.  Maybe share some of those S's?

Kool-Aid man.  Avoiding the wind problems by being attached to a car.

 Oh.  Yeah.  It was "really windy" so all the balloons had to be low to the ground.  To prevent 1997 from happening again, I guess (quick image version).

Peanut van.

Because that's not creepy at all.

Why do all the presidents look like they're about to cry?

Who?

Ok.  Makes sense now.

 Remember that float.  It's important later.

Ronald McDonald.

"I STEAL THE SOULS OF ALL WHO MEET MY GAZE!"

They still make zhuzhu pets?  Miscellaneous singer here too.

SpongeBob.

 And then it was time for the traditional thanksgiving parade pole dancer.

I'm not

even

kidding.

This is a bad balloon that told me they're making a second How to Train Your Dragon movie.

"The answer's none.  None more black."

"I make chocolate!"  Side point: nice job sneaking your Victoria Secret billboard into NBC's parade, CBS.  It popped up like every five minutes.

Goo Goo Dolls.  Also not dead.  They are driving around on a float with a giant chocolate maker though, so, you know.  They've got that going for them.

Really?

Fucking Wizard of Oz?  Can I blame Disney for this shit too?

Hey! Joan Jett! I hate to continue the "not dead" joke with you too, but: Hey! Joan Jett! Not dead! Yay!

Spiderman!

Spiderman!

 Remember that balloon too (you're remembering Spiderman and Mount Rushmore.  Put JJ on that list too.  Three things.).

Power Rangers are not on Broadway, but they need room to dance and flip around.

Plus, they had Fancy Dress Coat Power Rangers come out.

Together, they make a Megaforce.  Not a regular Megaforce, of course.  A Super Megaforce.

When will people stop making horrible creepy live action TMNT things? 

Who's that Pokemon?

It's....

Pikachu!

Matt Lauer totally called them Pokey-Mans.  I'm not kidding.

Let's interrupt here to talk about Matt Lauer, Samantha Guthrie, and the talking.  There is no way they could have been more bored.  It's clear they were handed PR scripts, and did no editing or re-reading.  Just read the words, move on, read more words, pray for death.

Gif 1: Pikachu!

Despicable Me 2.  I know nothing about this movie.

Whoa.  That's an awful face, Pillsbury.

Build-a-Bear.

With this weenus.  He was trying so hard to look cool with his dumb dance moves and two guys mimicing him in the background, but then you remember he's dancing on a Build-a-Bear float, and then you try to come up with the intersection of these things and decide that there is nothing not creepy in that region of the Venn diagram.

But then Jake and Finn showed up, and everything was better.

But then the DVR tells you that you've skipped through like two and a half hours of this thing, and you realize that you could catch Pikachu and Adventure Time by just watching the last 45 minutes or so.

Finn's ear is a bit deflated.

Giant Jake Eye!

 Gif 2:

Mathematical!

Blah blah, Buzz Lightyear.

"CONSUME SUGAR!"

A balloon reminding us that handwritten letters can still be written.  Just...so you know.  Love, USPS.

"What's in this window, I wonder?" said the creepiest fucking balloon ever.

Hanukkah started today as well.  Math says Macy's probably should have spent about 2.7 minutes here, but it was closer to 30 seconds.

Smurfs.  Not dead.

 Finale time.

I wonder who that is?

Oh.  Thanks, NBC. 

That's it, right?  We did the whole parade, saw Santa Claus, and it's all over, right?

Nope.

I don't know if people in other parts of the country can watch the parade again on CBS, but that's totally possible in Hawaii.  NBC plays it from 4AM to 7AM, CBS jumps in at 7AM to do the whole thing over again.

Except CBS has two things going for them.  First, they have actual trained camera operators, so things are fucking centered.  Second, they liquored up their talking people (Kevin Frazier and Thea Andrews according to the DVR info), and told them to just say whatever they thought up.  Basically, "Here, this is a parade order and a list of facts for you to riff off of.  Here's you bottle of whiskey.  Go do it."

It still had Broadway, but inside, on stage.

And country music, also inside.

But look at this.  You can actually see what's going on with Snoopy.  This isn't centered, but it tracked across the frame perfectly.  It's like CBS hired people who knew what they were doing.

Sonic.

That wimpy kid.

Still creepy.

That big guitar.  Thea: "Look!  LOOK!  THE STRINGS!  THE STRINGS ARE ACTUALLY MOVING!" Kevin: "How big do you think someone would have to be to play that?"  I'm telling you, these people were drunk.

Rocket Balloon.

The turkey has a name.

LOL!  Plus, the director had a great sense of humor.

That pseudo-realistic turkey is the reason things are made cartoony.

Kool Aid man.

Mount Rushmore again.  Better angle on the faces.  They kind of look happy.

Here's where you can stop remembering Mount Rushmore and Joan Jett.  The CBS people weren't working off of a script, so they could say whatever the hell they wanted.  K: "Here's the South Dakota float.  It was supposed to have Joan Jett on it singing, but I guess they raise lots of cattle there, and Joan Jett's a vegetarian." T:  "What?"  K: "Yeah, so they didn't want her on the float I guess, because of that."  T: "Oh, that's terrible."  K: "Yeah, but don't worry, she's still in the parade, just not here.  They've got the cast from..." This is the point the guy remembers he has no fucking clue who the Sommer Set are.  "The...the cast from Sommerset.  The Sommer Set.  Sommer Sets.  Hey look, it's the Zhu Zhu pets!"

Because they were next, and let's be honest, no one gives a fuck about the sommer set.  Sets.  Sommer Sets.  Whatever.

SpongeBob.

They had better lighting, although maybe a giant balloon that's entirely one color isn't the best strategy.

Spiderman! 

And you can stop remembering Spiderman now.

K: "Holy crap! What's wrong with Spiderman's arm? His arm's deflated!" T: "Yeah, that's not good." Begin serious news voice, Kevin: "Spiderman, taking a bit of damage here today." T: "I guess it's good they have all those different compartments."

The director made sure that the camera got a nice shot of the deflated Spiderman arm.

And they had an overhead view.  CBS is just stomping all over NBC.

This is a far better parade viewing position, too.

Pikachu!

T: "This is the first balloon with lights!"  K: "Huh.  I'm trying to interview Dule Hill here, Thea." T:  "Look at his cheeks!"  K: "I can never understand Pokemon.  I'm sure my kid changes the rules every time we play with those cards.  How do they even work?  Do you know, Dule Hill?"  Dule Hill: "Hey, I'm just here to talk about something I'm doing."

T: "Those cheeks are where Pikachu store their electrical energy!"  Either she memorized the fact sheet, or she wants to be the very best, like no one ever was.

Some fireman.  

 Intentionally Reversed Gif 3:

"THERE IS NO ESCAPE!"

Hey! I can see Finn and Jake!  Yay! Adventure Time time!

Me: "Wait, what?" Thea: "Do you need some last minute meal ideas for Thanksgiving?" Kevin: "It's a bit late now, don't you think?" T: "Not at all!  I sat down with our chef guy to talk about quick food things!" Me: "TALK ABOUT ADVENTURE TIME NOW!"

Thea: "Nope, sorry, I'm going to make something with these Pillsbury brand crescent rolls with the chef dude.  I'm pretty sure we're just going to slap some peppers and cheese on them and then slice them into spiral cheesy pepper things, but to be fair, they also don't look very good at the end."

 Then they took a fucking commercial break.  And we came back to:

WTF?  I have an excessively detailed list of things from NBC's showing, so I know that this means they've skipped Adventure Time.  Thea: "This is the first balloon with a see through balloon!  It's the helmet!" Me: "Fuck you, Thea."

Yeah, the letter writing girl is Virginia.  Of the Santa Claus story.  Just google it.  I can't imagine they'd make a balloon for that.

Jimmy Fallon again. 

Fucking smurfs.  Again, much better angle.

There is no good angle for Ronald McDemonEyes here.

Joan Jett. K: "See, I told you that she'd be in the parade." T: "It's not like I didn't believe you."

They mention all the buildings but 1 WTC.  

I thought the fireman was named Harold, too.  I guess it's a series of public workers, all named Harold.

Blah blah blah.  Yeah, even I'm getting tired of this shit.  I've been editing this blog post for like an hour and a half now.  "Document the parade," I said.  "It'll be fun," I said.  "Hey, you can compare the two channels' coverage"  

 And then it was Adventure TIme again.

Centered, great angle.  Wonderful!

Ear's still wonky.

 Gif 4:

Algebraic!

K: "Here's Chippey!  This is great, because you can use it all year long.  'Have you been good, kids? Because CHIPPEY LIVES ON YOUR SHELF AND IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!'  It doesn't even need to be Christmas season"

So it's creepy by design.  Great concept.

 And now it's finale time, so that means Santa.

See him there?

Oh!  Blocked by Mrs. Claus.

And again.

And then it's over, and you see that there's no one left on the street, so it looks a lot like they kept doing the show because they had to sober up before driving home.

So, the lesson here is to not watch the parade, but if you do, maybe only watch the last hour or so, and definitely do it on CBS, because NBC's coverage sucks.

Final note: "The combined length of all the labels must be at most 200 characters."

Shit.  I had 373.  "pizza" was a mistake. "ninjas" and "movies" are unnecessary, I guess.  "fictional reinterpretation of everyday life"?  Ok, that can go. "impressive", "kind of",  "lol", "menu planning results", "what is this i don't even", :(.  "aminals", which makes the dragon joke a bit off.