Thursday: Almost healthy -or- Way too much about Pokemon

I had planned on going to work today.  Then I woke up, was beaten up by the sinus infection, and realized that wasn't going to happen.  I then spent ten minutes coughing up everything in existence as my immune system realized that although it'd won the Battle of the Bronchi, it now had to deal with all the dead crap.  Woo.  That was lots of fun.  I got ramen, which is again the perfect food for sick days.  I then did some work, although still not nearly enough for me to count this week as being productive.  Thanks, lungs.

I then worked through my DVR, and that led me to watching the episode that this gif was taken from.  Here's the summary of one of the most cracked out episodes in a long time.  I'm putting it after the break because I have 50 screenshots.

The Light of Floccesy Ranch!

The Light of Floccesy Ranch!

I didn't capture the first bit of the show, but it's not super important.  You need to know that there's a ranch full of Mareep, and Ampharos is basically the shepherd for the girl and her grandfather.

Pikachu just randomly thundershocked, and that freaked Ampharos the fuck out.  This is an example where we're shown that Ampharos is a coward.

Iris's Dragonite is there to teach Ampharos how to use Thunder Punch.

What's up with this Mareep?  Why is he shooting a beam from it's head?

Because Team Rocket has a...cage with laser beam thing that attracts Mareep.  

Here's the gang.  Dragonite is not happy to be a teacher.

Pikachu and Axew are inconsiderate jerks.  Side note I realized here: Ash always introduces himself as "Hi, I'm Ash, and this is my good friend Pikachu."  Think about that for a minute.  It's like if you were out walking, and someone came up to you while they were walking their dog.  "Hi, I'm Ash, and this is a dog!"  It's like he assumes no one in the world, the Pokemon world, remember, knows what any Pokemon are.

"Ok.  First thing, this is a punch.  A thunder punch.  You need to put your arm up and then hit something with your fist."

"Or, flipper.  Flippers work too."

"But you need to put some power into it.  Maybe some electrical power?  To, you know, thunder it up?  How do you not know this already? Are you an idiot?"

"Please Dragonite! You can do it!"  "Um..."

"Sigh.  Fine, let's try this again."

"This thing.  You want to hit stuff with this thing.  Put your electric energy here, then hit stuff.  That's the entire explanation of thunder punch.  Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"This guy is fucking useless."

This is where the girl notices that she's missing a Mareep.   They go searching.

"Fuck.  Sure got foggy all of a sudden.  Let's just go back to the ranch.  Maybe the problem resolved itself."

It didn't, and they realize another one is missing.  Grandpa decides maybe this Ampharos has a bad motivator unit sucks, and that next week there's a bunch of Jawas visiting Pokemon trading event, and he'll get a new one.  At that point:

Axew: "The fuck? You all just went home? Pikachu and I have been out searching. Alone." Pikachu: "Pika-fuck-you.  Seriously though, we saw some shit that maybe you should look at.  Slackers."

Dragonite: "I'm going to float across this field without flapping my wings.  Because fuck you, and the animators don't care."

"Look over there, jackasses!"

Oh, it's just Ampharos.  Sucking as usual, but now lit up, because that's what he does.  "He's using it to see in the fog," the girl says, convincing no one that Ampharos is aware of his surroundings.

Axew: "Hey, humans, look at this fucking laser beam in the middle of the damn forest!  I know it's at eye-level for me, but still." Pikachu: "It's an electric beam of some sort, possibly with attractive powers." Ash: "A BEAM! I WONDER WHAT IT DOES!"

Dragonite: "What the fuck is that?" Everyone else: "That's not how things work in forests, is it?"

Mareep: "Don't mind me, just brainwashed here."

"Who would use such an elaborate system to steal Mareep when they could just spit in Ampharos's face while taking them in front of him?"

Jesse!

James!

Team Rocket! Users of out-of-place city themed introductions in the middle of the forest.

 Shit explodes.

Where did Team Rocket go?  Where are the Mareep and Ampharos?  Why didn't they take Pikachu (who's small) or Dragonite (who's not incompetent)?

Random balloon.  Their cage thing explodes, and they have time to deploy and inflate a Meowth balloon.

 Then we get to that scene.

Ampharos: "Wake up!"

A: "Come on guys, stop being brainwashed!"

A: "Seriously!"

No comment.

Continuing to have no comment.

 Team Rocket arrives.  Because balloons + forest = BFF.

Oh no, Ampharos, now you have to not suck.

 He turns on his lights.

Ash: "Look, Ampharos must be over there getting his face kicked in!"

Iris: "Yep."

Dragonite: "Remember what I taught you?  I'm going to use my body to block this next attack."

Dragonite: "Cough.  Cough cough.  I'm weak now, from that super strong attack.  Might die.  Who can tell.  It's up to you to remember how punching works.  Remember it for Old Dragonite, who probably isn't going to make it."

Everyone looks on, hoping that Ampharos doesn't fuck this up.

Not-so-surprisingly, he doesn't, and this happens.

Then this.

And everything's happy again. Dragonite: "I am the best fucking teacher ever."

Back at the ranch.

Mareep: "Fuck you, I do what I want." Ampharos: "I will gut you and wear your face as a hat." Mareep: "Um...wait, what?"  Other Mareep: "You missed the action, Ampharos isn't a coward anymore, he's kind of a psycho."

 Then they all smile, so no hats were made that day.

Iris: "Dragonite's great, I bet he's blushing in his Pokeball!"

Dragonite: "Fuck you, bitch."

"Oh, Dragonite."

Ampharos: "I am king here.  King of this valley.  King of these Mareep.  King of the forests that border this land."

Ash: "Well, time to go, enjoy never being in an episode ever again, Girl!  You too Grandfather!  Wait...aren't you missing a generation?"

Ash: "Bye Ampharos! Bye Mareep!"  Me: "Dude, you just left the gate, and are now waving at them.  Ampharos still sucks, because he just stole the entire flock.  Why even have fences and gates if Ampharos just ignores them?"

No one cares.