Saturday: Fiasco

I didn't feel like getting sushi today, so I was stumped as to what to get for lunch.  Julie IM'ed the suggestion of "Indian."  Here's the problem with Indian food in Hawaii:

All the Indian restaurants on this half of the island.

I didn't want to drive to the other side of the island in the rain (since traffic would be even dumber than usual).  Flag A would have been my preferred choice, except the secret laws of Hawaii insist that no Indian restaurant can have sufficient parking for anyone to actually eat there.

See?  Cafe Maharani.

This led to the decision to try a new place, Cafe Taj Mahal.  It also has the "No Parking" problem, as it shares that lot with three other restaurants.  I assumed that since they don't open for dinner until 5, if I got there around then, there'd be a spot.  Plus, there's that lot across the street that looks like it's public parking, so that could help solve the problem.

How can this go wrong?

The problem is, once you turn right onto Waialae, you're fucked.  There is no way to turn around and get to that public lot.  Instead, you're sucked into this shit-storm of roads:

How does that even happen?

And, with traffic, you have effectively zero chance to get over to switch over to Waialae (yes.  You have to turn to stay on the same road.  Because that's sane), or King (which at least isn't that bad, although you can see how King eventually turns into Harding.  Because reasons).  This means you're on Kapiolani.

Fucking Kapiolani.  You're going Ewa-bound on Kapiolani.  Here's the interesting thing about this: You can never turn left. Never.  So you have to find a right turn that's helpful, but there's intermittent street parking, so you can't trust that being in the right lane won't fuck you over.  I got to Date, and figured that would work, but I didn't realize that the intersection of Kapiolani and Date is actually the intersection of Kapiolani, Date, and Kamoku:

Because fuck organized streets.

And all of that is marked "no turn on red.  Except left, which you can't fucking ever do, because you're on Kapiolani."  You wait for the Date traffic to turn left (onto either direction of Kapiolani), and then wait for it to go straight, then you wait for Kamoku to turn left (onto whatever they want), and then for them to go straight.  Finally, the light changes, and you have to wait for that fucking Mini in front of you to watch the guy walking in the crosswalk.  The Mini can only move at a speed proportional to the distance between it and the pedestrian, which looks to the outside observer like they forgot how to turn, then that they want to murder the guy, and then they need to block the crosswalk in case the guy changes his mind.

Then I got on University, because I thought of trying that Mexican place on Beretania.

You can guess the problem that I had there.

 So the next idea was to go get a burger at the Counter at the mall, and then get a book at Barnes & Nobles.

Wait.  You're fucking kidding me.

Yep.   Even though I park here nearly every week, I hadn't noticed that they closed the B&N.  Fuck.

Ok, but I can get a burger at the Counter, right?

That cup doesn't suggest that I can.

Even though they had tables open, since I was alone, I had to wait for a seat at the bar.  I hate sitting at the bar.  And fuck you, hostess.  I'll go someplace else, someplace that doesn't discriminate against people who eat alone.

Someplace with some fucking parking.