Maybe this will work?

I had a burger and cheese fries.

My old man neighbor who had the girlfriend with the smelly perfume seems to have moved out.  I noticed him packing things up a few weeks ago, and today a realtor was having an open house there.  I think he probably moved in with his girlfriend.  The old man, not the realtor.  I don't know anything about that guy.

And then my internet kersploded, and I spent a half hour screaming "give me a real fucking person" at the useless Oceanic Time Warner robot.  I can explicitly tell you what's wrong.  "No Ranging Response received".  I know how to read my cable modem logs, so I don't need a phone tree.  And why does the robot make "typey typey" sounds when it pauses?  I know it's a robot.  It has a robot voice.  It says things like, "OK.  I understand you have a problem.  Choose from the following responses which best matches the problem you're having."

But now it kind of half works, and at least I can get youtube videos to play.  It's clear that I'm losing lots of data somewhere, as things are very bursty and erratic.

The fact that this is an improvement is still unacceptable.  The fact that I have to wait until Friday for a guaranteed tech visit is unacceptable.  Telecom monopolies should be destroyed.