Shaloha is Sh-awful.

(15:47:41) me: hey

(15:47:50) me: remind me how hummus works

(15:48:39) Julie: Open mouth, insert hummus?

(15:49:07) me: just straight?

(15:49:17) Julie: Pita chips

(15:49:21) Julie: Carrrots

(15:49:29) Julie: Pita in not chip.form

(15:49:34) Julie: Tortilla chips

(15:49:46) me: ok. just so I'm not completely crazy

(15:49:49) Julie: Did you just have a stroke? How do you not know this?

No, I did not have a stroke.  I went to the most disappointing restaurant I've ever been to.  Last night, I saw the Food Wishes falafel video.  That led me to looking to see what middle eastern restaurants are in the area.  Yelp suggested Shaloha, which has lots of good reviews.  I would suggest that Yelp should stop letting stupid people rate places.

First off, the pictures suggest people eating at tables.  There are no tables.  There is no place to eat.  Not even "sit out on the sidewalk" tables.  The sidewalk was filled with racks.  So it's a take-out place, despite that not being evident anywhere.  This completely fucked up my "eat lunch, go to WF" plan.  There's no place in the neighborhood to really sit and eat, so I just came home.  I decided to get their shwarma combo, with falafel and hummus.

When I got home, I saw this:

Which led to the above conversation.  What am I going to do with a giant tub of hummus?  Eat it with a spoon?  You make fucking pitas.  Why would the hummus side not come with pitas?  You gave me a pita dipped in hummus when I got there, so you clearly understand the concept.  I'll ignore the fact that I thought hummus was supposed to be garlicky with some citrus hints from lemon juice.  This was kind of just gritty bland paste.  So why would you give out giant tubs of it with nothing to put it on?

I guess I could have put it on the falafel.

That probably would have helped tone down the dryness a bit.  These weren't awful, but they didn't really have much flavor, even with the hot sauce added.

And now the biggest "yeah, we're lying jerks."  Their webpage shows nice looking sandwiches, with the standard meat/veggies/tzatziki in a folded pita.  What did I find when I opened the foil on my sandwich?

A fucking gob of cabbage.

WTF?  That shows up in one picture, and it's a just a bit, not a giant cap?  Not surprisingly, everything inside tastes like shitty cabbage.  The chicken inside was dry and flavorless.  Yes, I just picked it out and chucked the rest, because I wasn't in the mood to eat a mess of vegetables drenched in cabbage juice.

And as you can see dripping at the bottom, oil.  From what?  It can't be the chicken.  That hadn't seen any liquid in years.

So bottom line, fuck this place.