|Guardians of the Galaxy.|
Of course, going to the movies means going to watch movies with other people. The problems with this:
- You have to stand in line behind people who don't realize that they're next, because they're staring off blankly.
- You have stand in different lines behind people who are stumped by every question asked. "Which size popcorn?" "Do you want anything else?" And then, when they get to the end of things, and are asked whether they have the loyalty card thing, they have to dig it out. You intentionally joined the movie loyalty thing. Why do you not have that out all the time you're at the movies?
- 90% of everything is smeared with fake butter grease.
- The previews don't have any lights on, and motherfucking Christopher Nolan thinks making his trailer just a black screen with occasional three second clips from the movie while Michael Caine says things that clearly aren't as profound as he's trying to make them is a great idea. I'm just trying to find a seat, you jackass, and this movie looks dumb anyway. Stop making movies.
- You too, Johnny Depp. Just stop it.
- Who brings like a dozen kids to the movies? Seriously. Like a dozen kids, and one dad. Plus those kids really didn't understand the concept of a post-credits scene, so they were standing and complaining for the entire credits. And then, afterwards, they were all, "why was there a duck?" You just watched a movie starring a raccoon and a tree, and now you're unhappy that there's a duck? Kids are dumb.
- Crinkly fucking wrappers.
And the answer to my mental question of "wait, I know that guy. Who is that guy, and why do I know him?" is Lloyd Kaufman, founder of Troma.